Oblivion: Pocket Full of Sunshine
by fotoshop-cutout
Summary: Carson is gone--right? Wrong. He's a ghost in Atlantis, at least he is until he meets another ghost: one that makes him alive again, but on an uninhabited planet. Friendship/pre-slash.


Title: **Oblivion**

Part: 1/? "**Pocket Full of Sunshine**"

Characters/Pairings: McBek, Sheppard, Ronon, Teyla, Elizabeth, Zelenka, anonymous medical team, a gemstone and some pangoes.

Disclaimer: I, obviously, don't own this.

Rating: PG-15

Notes/Warnings: Un-betaed; post-Sunday; friendship/ pre-slash; has some character death mentioned. I recommend listening to Natasha Bedingfield's "Pocket Full of Sunshine" during this first part of "Oblivion". The second part should be out soon. :]

* * *

"_Take me to and lead me through oblivion"_

Rodney figured he had imagined it. After all, as a scientist he'd looked over the possibility of ghosts being real, but he was also easily influenced when he was lost in grief. He knew that the grief was deep-seated: something that took root in the farthest reaches of himself. As he stood on the pier he thought about throwing himself off of it. He'd been on the brink of death before and his hope was that Sam would eat him or he would have the courage to take in a breath of water before anyone got to him. His chances would be minimal, as he looked back over the pier to see no one there to stop him. But something in him told him he shouldn't. It wasn't cowardice, for once. He dragged himself back to his quarters and let himself rest. With his eyes closed, he thought about all the times he could have told the man how he really felt, but never did. His chance was lost and he was sorry he was so arrogant that he'd prevented anything from happening.

&break&

Carson was sure he had died. He had felt the heat swelling up around him and then the following shock wave. He'd just barely been in range to get completely, irreparably scorched. He didn't feel anything after that, but he knew that they did everything they could to save him. In the end they couldn't. He surrendered to the black. His body was due to be moved back to Earth if he died. He was glad his family would get to know about it at the very least. He was also glad his best friend was doing the honors. After all, he had met Rodney's sister; it was only fate that he met his family.

It was only strange how when he surrendered he ended up only thinking again. What was going on? He knew he couldn't possibly be in his body. So he watched his own funeral. The bagpipes were a wonderful, homey touch that was dearly appreciated. He loved the words said, but as they walked his body through the gate he wept. Why was he still here? He knew he was here, but it was clear that the crowd he was standing on the outskirts of, didn't even realize. And so he tried to communicate to several people while Rodney was off on Earth, taking care of his body. Try as he might he never could contact anyone. He started doubting that this was even real. Maybe everything had been a bad dream? He was a worry wart, so it wouldn't be unlike him. No, it was real. He had to think that.

Upon the arrival of the team that brought his body back, he was all over Sheppard: convinced that the man would see him. Nothing happened. Not Ronon, not Major Lorne, not anyone. But Rodney was last. Somehow, perhaps through sheer force of will he made himself appear. They spoke out on the pier. As much as Carson tried, he knew he hadn't persuaded his friend that it wasn't his fault. He watched him carefully, although he wasn't sure if he had enough in him to make himself appear again. But he would try if it was necessary. Rodney stumbled away from the pier's edge and returned to his quarters. Carson wandered the halls, walking through walls and people alike. Finally, he sat and rested. He wasn't tired—not really—he was emotionally distraught and unsure of how to proceed. He stood and went out on the balcony.

&break&

He wasn't sure how it happened, or what exactly happened, but someone was standing there, waiting for him in a fuzzy, just-barely-there kind of way. They reached for him, and thinking that perhaps it was another ghost—Ford maybe?—he reached back. The instant their hands touched, something happened. Chemically it hurt. His whole being was exposed to something that didn't feel good at all. However, he didn't fight it: it might be his way past here. Beyond Atlantis. Yes, he would like that. All he could picture was Rodney's expression as they spoke on the pier. The hurt, the horrible way that Carson wanted to help him, but couldn't.

&break&

The being was something magical, he could say that. He spent the next few seconds in agony, but it vanished—and when it did he was on his knees, in the clothes he had died in, on a grassy knoll. He collapsed instantly, the pain having been too much for him to deal with. When he woke up, he patted himself. He got up and looked around him. Below the grassy knoll was a valley: beautiful and it was obvious that this planet was something like Earth. It certainly wasn't Atlantis. He looked beyond the valley and saw a range of mountains comparable to the Appalachians on Earth. His eyes widened as he looked over the place. No civilization, nothing even closely resembling a Stargate, just nothing.

&break&

Life went on, even if he didn't want it to. Everyone was dealing with the loss in their own way. Too many times his friends and surrogate family stopped in to check on him. For days he wouldn't eat anything, wouldn't leave his quarters. He kept his laptop with him, in case he had any brilliant ideas, but nothing occurred to him in his self-enforced isolation. It wasn't until Elizabeth brought the psychologist by that he wizened up. People needed him: and if there was anything he'd learned from Carson, it was to help people even if you felt horrible. And so he tried, even though his heart wasn't really in it.

&break&

Oblivion: that's how much time he figured he had. As he thought he might be able to 'phase through' the trees, he found he was solid: at least on this planet he was. He rubbed the knot on his forehead and cursed himself again. It was a silly mistake, but now he knew that he was in fact alive and just needed to find a way over the mountains. He was sure he'd find something worth while on the other side. Perhaps a Stargate? He sighed and continued on, weaving through the trees, jumping brooks, and generally just grumbling about the heat. Although, half his brain was dedicated to getting out of here, the other half was wondering what 'here' was exactly. Could it be that this was his version of heaven?—or hell? He shuddered at the thought. So he was solid, 'alive' here: that meant what? Well, the idea that this could be the afterlife occurred to him, but he didn't want to rely on that. If there was a Stargate, there was a chance that whatever had been on the balcony in Atlantis had restored him.

He didn't rely on that either. His main issue was to find other people. Someone who had died before would be a bonus. By evening he'd trekked most of his way to the base of the mountain. He'd had a nip of trouble when he nearly fell into a fast moving river that had been invisible from the knoll. It had taken him two extra hours to find a place to cross it, but he managed to get away unscathed. He laughed at himself later at how he had screamed like a girl when his leg had slipped and dipped into the cold river water. Now his pant leg was dried and he was wondering how to satiate his protesting stomach. It took him all of five minutes to locate a bush with some wonderful smelling berries. He hesitated once, and then shrugged and just stuffed them in his mouth. Had they been poisonous, he figured, he would either die again, or he would be immune. Either way he wasn't overly concerned.

It turned out they weren't poison, and so he worked on finding a place to sleep. He ended up over-thinking and wedged himself between some thick branches in a tree to sleep. He woke with a crick in his neck and baffled as to why he'd been so afraid. The next night, near the top of the first mountain, he slept out in the open with no trouble other than some pesky mosquitoes.

&break&

Rodney went to work with Sheppard on the newest problem: they didn't have enough food. Basically, they needed to find more places to open trade relations and get something that they could eat (and would taste good—per his own request). They found several suitable planets but still searched for more. The solar system nearest to the one he had blown up previously had a couple of planets yet to be investigated, but believed to be under Wraithe control.

&break&

Carson worked his way to the top of the highest tree on the top of the first mountain about mid-day. It had taken him long enough to find the tree, but only after he had walked an hour down the mountain and made himself paranoid. He'd only looked one way after standing up on the grassy knoll. Stupid, he knew, but what if all he had to do was go back the other way and there was a gorgeous city, of the Stargate right there? He had to know. So there he was, shimmying up the tree and getting all sorts of scrapes and bumps along the way. He frowned and shielded his eyes from the sun—no wait—two suns in the sky. He frowned and wondered how that worked. He bet Rodney would know. One was purple: something Rodney would know about too. Carson snorted and turned to look back over the valley. Oh. Well that was a waste of half a day. He frowned. It was basically the mirror image of over on this side of the valley. He looked back up at the two suns and wondered, vaguely, why he hadn't noticed it before. He worked his way back down the tree.

The rest of the day he spent walking down the mountain. He made camp there and woke up without being chomped on by any sort of living creature. This, in his mind, was helpful. His body ached, though. He shouldn't have gone hiking up and down mountains and then climbed a tree. That had just been dumb. He took a recuperating day and fashioned himself a fishing pole and hook. Granted, the hook was made of bone that he had whittled with his Swiss army knife and looked kind of scary. He found some worms and a stream large enough to hold fish and sat there, hoping to catch dinner.

After he caught the fish he wasn't quite sure how to cook them, but he ended up making something like a spit and did the whole two sticks and moss routine for actually getting fire. In the end he wished he had some flint because now his arms were aching. The upside to all this exercise was that maybe he'd lose some weight by the time he got back—if he ever did that. He did wish, sometimes (and when he'd been alive), that he had a body more resembling Sheppard's or maybe Major Lorne's. He slept well that night, his stomach no longer waiting for more food.

&break&

A long day later and Rodney had yet to determine through the long-range sensors, if there was, in fact, _any_ life on the planets they hoped could provide them with trade relations. Rodney normally would have no trouble doing so, but he had run into a lump of problems. Now that he was finally able to take readings he was rather confused. It seemed that there was nothing but uninhabited planet beneath them. He frowned and shrugged.

"Well, they're not on this side of the planet."

"Is it worth checking the other side?" Sheppard was always interested in what he had to say about things. Sometimes it rubbed his ego a little bit too much. But in his depressed state, he just shook his head.

"Probably not. It's not likely we'll find another civilization that's hiding under an anti-Wraithe shield." And so the Jumper was moved on to get within range of scanning the next planet. They turned away from the planet without anything.

"At the very least I suppose there's fertile soil here, so if worst comes to worst we can always harvest some things."

Way to go Teyla: "Except the fact that it would take time to harvest and we don't have that amount of time—sure!" Rodney's sarcasm flared up. It seemed that these days he was either feeling sorry for himself or snapping at people. He turned, recognizing her hurt silence and frowned. "I'm sorry, Teyla. That was—that was uncalled for." He cleared his throat. "But you are right. At least we know that in the future these two planets are—oh crap."

Everyone looked to Rodney as he looked over at the screen.

"Huh."

"What is it?"

He squinted and leaned closer to the screen.

"McKay, what is it?" Sheppard was getting a bit more agitated. Rodney leaned back.

"Well I accidentally pushed the button for scanning and it's picking up one life sign on the planet."

Silence.

"Well how did it get there?"

Rodney turned to Sheppard, aghast. "How am I supposed to know?"

Sheppard pressed his lips in a thin line and pushed a few buttons. "We're going to check it out."

"What—really?" Rodney looked between the people in the Jumper with him. He shrugged. "Alright. We'll go check it out then."

&break&

Carson was hiking up yet another mountain. How many days had it been? Six. Almost a week. This was the third mountain he'd hiked up since being dropped in this lonely place. He's actual taken to carrying a pretty gemstone he'd found with him. He spoke to it and it glowed sometimes. He thought it was interesting. And it hadn't killed him yet—although the first night he'd had a nightmare about it. He rubbed his fingers over it and brought it up to his face.

"Do ya think I'll get out of here, lad?" He frowned at the lack of response. "Aye, me either."

He was in an irritable mood for the rest of the three hours it took to climb up the mountainside.

&break&

After they let Elizabeth know what was going on and she warned them to be careful if it was a Wraithe, they entered the atmosphere. Again, Rodney was mystified.

"Huh."

"What?" Sheppard was beginning to get in the uncomfortably unreasonable mood that he sometimes got into.

"Out of all of the planets we've encountered, it seems that this planet is the most like Earth that we've seen—well, since Earth."

Teyla raised her eyebrows, but that was about all the response that he received. He frowned and turned back to his readings.

&break&

Carson was about ready to quit for the day. He had ceased being grumpy when he got to the top of the mountain and shaded his eyes against the two suns and saw (with quite a bit of happiness) that there was, indeed, a Stargate. However, half the Stargates that he'd heard about were inoperable. So he had a fifty-fifty chance. Still, his elation proved to only tire him out more. After all, he had to climb down this mountain and work his way through a forest and by that time… well… he sighed and sat down, looking over everything. Another night here and then he'd have spent a week getting to the Stargate. He rested only a moment before he made himself get up and find something to eat.

It didn't take him long, but during that time it started to sprinkle. Really, he figured this was predictable. After all, it hadn't done anything like this yet: in fact it'd been all clear blue skies. Carson found some cover in the trees and stayed put while it sprinkled; all the while talking to the gem and eating some fruits he'd collected. They looked like peaches but tasted like mangoes. He wasn't sure what to make of them, but they appeared to be good for him.

&break&

They flew around the life sign but didn't see anything.

"Is it possible that it's just a glitch?" Teyla always had thoughts on this kind of thing. Rodney frowned. She could be right this time, though.

"I can't land here, but there's a Stargate over there we can land near." Sheppard keeping them posted on what's happening with his piloting. God forbid they didn't know.

"I've had Zelenka go over these sensors, along with half of my science team. I doubt it would be a glitch." 'but you never know' was left unsaid. Rodney tapped a few keys and looked over the sensors again. "They look fine to me."

Sheppard navigated them to the Stargate and set the Jumper down. He opened the rear hatch.

"Alright kids, let's remember where we parked."

Rodney rolled his eyes but went along, reading the sensor data as they walked out.

"This one's shot." Ronon finally piped up, letting them know that the Stargate's control panel was definitely not going to work. Rodney frowned and looked it over. He went back to his sensor data after a moment.

"The life sign hasn't moved for the last twenty minutes."

&break&

Carson had fallen asleep resting against a tree trunk, his dreams filled with being rescued by his friends by Puddle-Jumper.

&break&

"In other words we have to hike up this mountain?" Sheppard wasn't looking overly thrilled by the aspect of this. Neither was Rodney. Ronon shrugged.

"If it's a Wraithe and we kill it that will be good— yeah?"

Teyla sighed, "But what if it's a glitch?"

"It's not a glitch." Rodney finally had enough.

"Either we hike up there and kill something or we hike up there and find a friend." Sheppard was growing exasperated. "I, for one, hope we find a friend."

&break&

With two suns it never quite became dark. Carson had found out that there was a long 'twilight' period, but no real 'night'. Which made him wonder even more how he didn't notice the two suns at first. He woke after two hours of sleep and stretched, picked himself up and started moving again. After all, it wouldn't take too long: maybe he could make it to the Stargate by nightfall. At least he'd know if he stood a chance at getting back, then. So he started down the mountain, tired and a wee bit hungry.

&break&

"The life sign's moving toward us." Rodney grew somewhat excited. This could mean a confrontation! He had to be on his toes.

"How close is it?" Sheppard and Ronon were tense.

"Still up at the top of the mountain, but it's moving at about the same rate we are. We should meet it in about uhh…" He tapped at the screen a few times. "Five minutes?"

Sheppard frowned but they knew to keep their eyes and ears open now.

&break&

Carson stopped when he found a fruit tree—something he'd learned to do after a week here—and jumped, reaching for the pangoes (as he called them now). After a moment of fiddling with branches he realized he had to climb the tree. He took about thirty seconds to shimmy up the tree (something else he'd learned to do out here) and took off his shirt, using it as a sling to put the pangoes in. Sounds came from the forest around him and he flattened himself against the trunk, trying to make himself as small as possible. After all, he hadn't encountered anyone yet—it might not be wise to do so.

&break&

"The life sign is about one hundred feet ahead." Rodney lowered his voice so he didn't alert whoever it was to their whereabouts.

Sheppard nodded and gave orders to Ronon and Teyla to advance in cover. With guns ready, they snuck closer. No one was in sight. Rodney frowned and leaned in to whisper to Sheppard, "Where is it?"

Sheppard shushed him quickly.

&break&

After a moment of holding his breath and watching the forest around him, he didn't ease up at all. He clutched the gem close to him and his eyes kept darting to and fro. He didn't relax until five minutes had passed by uneventfully. He let loose a breath and laughed.

"Woo! Carson, you're really makin' yerself paranoid, lad." He shook his head and gathered up his pangoes, climbing down with his bundle. The hair stood up on the back of his neck and he whirled. He gasped as he came face to face with a rather familiar gun—Ronon's. His back hit the tree.

&break&

Rodney lagged behind as he didn't really have much of a weapon, but when they had the life sign surrounded he ventured out. Unfortunately, he wasn't ready for what he was about to see.

&break&

"Doctor Beckett?" Teyla's voice was pretty—just as it was when he was alive. Carson's eyebrows rose. He'd seen his reflection in the water at times: he looked just the same (if a little skinnier) as he had before he died.

"Hello Teyla… Ronon… Sheppard." His voice was a bit higher pitched as he was backed against the tree and had guns pointed at him. He gave them a strained smile and lifted his bundle. "Care for a 'pango'?"

They started lowering their weapons, but then Rodney broke came up.

"What are you guys—" He stopped mid-sentence when he saw his friend who was most decidedly dead the last time he saw him.

Carson's eyes lit up. "Rodney!" He just barely stalled himself from throwing himself at his best friend. The guns came up again. "Oh. Uhh—I'll bet you want to run some tests?" He wasn't sure what the tests would say, but certainly they would prove him to be who he really was. Sheppard nodded in response and spoke carefully, as he did whenever he felt the team or Atlantis was threatened. Carson had seen it before.

"We'll need to take you back to Atlantis in order to run those tests."

Carson's eyebrows rose. "And if I wasn't me but something else and you just told me that Atlantis is, in fact, not blown up?"

Sheppard narrowed his eyes. Carson just raised his hands in surrender. "Erm…can I bring the 'pangoes'?"

Ronon rolled his eyes and twirled his gun around, putting it back in the holster.

&break&

It didn't take terribly long for conversation to begin to flow: Carson catching up on everything he'd missed (and some he didn't, but he wasn't letting them know about the ghost incident just yet). He nodded and offered up his suggestions (mostly about food trade), but when the conversation turned to him: how—why—when; he wasn't exactly ready to share his story. Quite frankly he was a bit nervous. But he started out with the whole 'Well, I died' bit. It didn't take him terribly long, skimming over the majority of the ghostliness in order to get to how he suffered through the incredible pain only to be brought here.

Teyla seemed open to it, Everyone else just looked skeptical. He shrunk a little. "But I guess you'll see for yourselves when you run the tests." He had to put stock in that, he just had to.

&break&

When they arrived to the clearing with the Stargate in it, the twilight hours had started. Carson made mention of that to Rodney, even though his friend was having a hard time looking anywhere near him.

"Ya know, it's never 'night' here? This place has two suns—marvelously bright durin' the day, an' twilightish all the rest." Carson tried to initiate conversation but Rodney fell back into his usual scientific ways.

"The two suns orbit one another and the rest of the solar system around that. The only thing I've come to determine is that there's more to the atmosphere of these planets to keep the doubled amount of radiation out." The conversation only fell apart after that. Carson lifted a hand and wiped the sweat off his brow and turned to Sheppard.

"So the Stargate works here, then." He hadn't been sure, but he didn't see the Jumper around at all.

"Jumper's right in front of you."

Carson blinked and stopped himself. He reached out with a hand and felt around.

"Not _right_ in front of you." Rodney's sarcasm came out as he walked forward without trepidation and disappeared into the cloaked Jumper. It took Carson a moment, but when he looked back, he saw the rest of the team waiting for him. He walked, feeling with his feet for the ramp.

&break&

It didn't take terribly long for them to get to the Stargate that was in orbit around the first planet in the solar system. From there it was a quick trip back to Atlantis. Needless to say, Carson was hesitant at being back. After all, everyone knew him as dead. Uncomfortably he shifted on the seat and waited to be escorted to the infirmary. He did sneak glances at Rodney all the way back. The man seemed to be having a harder time than he was. Then again, on his first day being 'alive' again he hadn't taken it too well either. He vowed to give him time.

Getting escorted to the infirmary was odd, but Carson was very willing and not at all going to push Ronon into having to do anything. He kept the pangoes bundled in his shirt, and only under the scrutiny of everyone they passed did he notice that he was shirtless. He ducked his head and wouldn't look at anyone until they got to the infirmary. There, Elizabeth met them, her neutral features were hard to read, but Carson greeted her with a strained smile.

"Ah, Elizabeth: looking as beautiful as ever."

She pressed her lips in a thin line but couldn't help but smile. "And you look—well, alive, Doctor Beckett."

His tension was relieved by that. Even she was skeptical. Within moments he was ushered to a bed and had a medical team drawing blood and all other known tests on him. They had his file out and his original blood sample. He was glad they were being thorough, but he was slightly scared about what the results would say about him. His free hand set down the pangoes and reached in his pocket, gripping the gem tight. One of the medical team asked him to move his arm out so she could swab some skin and he obeyed, the gem being withdrawn from his pocket and staying tightly in his hand. Elizabeth saw it and instantly was curious.

"What's that, Carson?"

He blinked, and then gave a real smile to her. "Oh, it's a gemstone I found on the planet. Real pretty. Ya want a look?"

She stepped forward and peered at the gem in his hand.

"It glows sometimes. But it doesn't do anythin' I can see."

Elizabeth's eyebrows rose. "Do you mind if we do some tests on it?"

He smiled and allowed her to take it from his hand. "Sure thing, love."

She smiled in return.

&break&

It took a while for the test results to come in, but everything that came in was relayed to the Alpha Team and Doctor Weir. Everything came back, pointing to Carson really being who he said he was. At around the same time, Elizabeth got the results back from Zelenka and the geologists about the stone. She immediately left for the infirmary, Rodney in tow.

&break&

Carson was waiting and snacking on one of the pangoes while lounging on the bed. He was relaxed, being back at his infirmary. He felt at home.

Elizabeth and Rodney came in and stood by the bed. He rose his eyebrows. "What's the verdict?"

Elizabeth smiled. "You're who you say you are. We're only puzzled by the 'how' part."

"Aren't we all." Rodney's tone wasn't at all friendly, but he still wouldn't look at Carson. Elizabeth took a deep breath and continued.

"Also, the gemstone you were carrying? It seems that it's a natural way to store energy. It's been growing and storing energy the whole time on the planet. It doesn't seem to be dangerous at all, but it also seems to be able to give people energy."

Carson was surprised: was that why he hadn't needed the usual seven hours of sleep every night since he had picked it up? He blinked as he processed the information. "Is there any way we can use this for fueling Atlantis?"

"Mmm—it's possible. We would have to find a conduit and a way to get the energy to convert into power for the city." Finally, Rodney's eyes flicked up and landed on Carson. "You… might be onto something. Come with me."

And with that, Carson jumped up, his hand pulled his shirt towards him and leaving the pangoes behind on the bed. Elizabeth watched, surprised at the turn around she had just witnessed in Rodney.

&break&

"So, essentially, I had a pocket full of sunshine?" Carson leaned against the table, looking down at his gem.

"Exactly. Only, it's more like a plant than a stone in actuality."

"Meaning that it grows using photosynthesis?"

"Yes; and we have plenty of sunlight here, out in the ocean."

Rodney seemed to be getting really excited about this. Carson was glad to be spending time with his friend again.

&break&

Over the next week Rodney and he worked on possibly using the stones as a power source for Atlantis and wound up figuring at about how much of the stone they would need to match a ZPM. This, of course, ended up being a lot. It seemed the city would need to be covered in the stone in order to even equal the amount of power a Naquada Generator could give.

During the extended amount of time spent together, the two got back to where they were before, but nothing about Carson's death had been mentioned until now. They sat at the table, Carson and Rodney both with a laptop in front of them. After a half hour of silence, Rodney broke it.

"So, you were on the planet for a week—what happened during the week between?"

Carson looked up, suddenly nervous about the impending conversation.

"Err… I was here. Kind of."

"Kind of? What do you mean kind of? You were either here or you weren't."

"I was a bloody ghost, Rodney! Okay? I spoke with you on the pier. I wandered around. You know, I was here but I wasn't really." He leaned his head in his hand, already sick of this conversation and not wanting to continue. Rodney watched him for a moment.

"And then you met the other ghost on the balcony and it sent you to the planet?"

Carson shifted and looked through his fingers at his friend. "Yes. That's what happened."

Rodney thought this over while Carson went back to work. He was about to say something when Rodney spoke again.

"But you weren't like… in people's personal quarters, were you?"

Carson immediately took this as an insult. "Of course not! Why would you think that? You don't think I'm that horrible, do you?"

"No, no; I'm sorry that came out wrong—I…" He stopped, not having any explanation for why he had said it or what he _did_ mean.

Needless to say, the conversation was essentially over. They went back to work and a couple of minutes later Carson spoke up about his idea.

"So what if all of the Marines carry one? Or if everyone in Atlantis was issued one: this could mean that people would only need to take naps and shifts could be longer."

&break&

In the end they decided to farm the gems to trade and use as power sources for smaller things. Carson and Rodney were back at square one, and Atlantis had her head doctor back.

* * *

_please review_


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